When our babies are small we often have so many duties that a part of ourselves is lost for a time. Not everyone experiences the beginning of motherhood in the same way, but I don’t believe you can become in charge of a new human life and not give up a part of yourself. Of course, this is temporary and completely normal. I thought about this, even more, when I happened to be watching the Grammys this last Sunday. To be honest, I am not much of an awards show watcher. In fact, I can’t remember the last time I watched one, but my husband wanted to see a few of the live performances, so it was on.
I was surprised when I heard Adele’s speech when she won Album of the Year. Not so much the part about Beyonce, but the part where she talks about losing herself. She said this:
“In my pregnancy and through becoming a mother I lost a part of myself. I struggled, and I still do struggle being a mom. It’s really hard.”
(Watch her whole acceptance speech here)
Even celebrities who have access to more help, more resources, more this or more that still struggle with this concept of losing ourselves. Motherhood is really unlike anything we have experienced before it. Being a mother is so normal that sometimes we think because it’s hard we are doing something wrong. I have noticed a trend in the blogging world about “getting real” where people post pictures of messy houses or call their kids names like monsters or jerks online. I am not about the name calling and while my house is messy a lot I don’t think we need more of that. I think we need more of the moms saying yes it’s hard, I get frustrated, mad, sad, lonely, overwhelmed, hurt and jealous. Not to end there though. We need the same people to remind us that it’s ok to feel this way, but ask “What are you going to do with it?” Do you hold on to it, process it and move on, bottle it up?
Truth is, that all mothers go through a period of finding ourselves again understanding how to feel and be honest about those feelings. For some, it comes more naturally and others much harder.
Finding a balance and figuring out who you are after having a baby isn’t easy. It may take years, but it will happen. You will re-emerge again and if you are in the throes of the baby days, don’t rush it, and don’t feel guilty for who you are, let it come naturally. You are worth the wait.